The Was that Wasn’t

MeMo: The Was that Wasn’t
Taking Life One Detour at a Time

By BG Barnstormer

The plans that I call the “was that wasn’t” in my life have launched me on many unexpected adventures. If you told me when I began civilian flight school that I would be a Production Test Pilot, stay-at-home mom, and nomad, I would definitely have thought you were telling me a tall tale. I have been in aviation for twenty years and as I look back at my journey, I sure have some stories to tell!

When I began flying in 2004, I had high hopes and dreams for becoming a corporate pilot. I accelerated through my flight ratings and in two years, attained my Certified Flight Instructor (CFI) certificate. Shortly thereafter, I got married and moved to the Kansas City (KC.) My husband, also a pilot, flew for a local company with a corporate flight department there. I got a job flight instructing and was gaining flight time to be a corporate pilot. Within roughly six months of being in the KC, my husband lost his job overnight and shortly thereafter, the company’s flight department closed completely. Jobs in the aviation industry evaporated due to a downturn in the economy, with corporate aviation and airlines taking a huge hit. Pilots were a dime a dozen with no hope to find a job flying in 2008. My hubby and I shifted our sights from flying to focus on pursuing our master’s degrees, which would provide options for us in the future.

The catalyst for the change was an economic downturn and our careers were collateral damage of the situation at the time. We spent two years in graduate school, which ultimately shifted the course of our life trajectories. My husband took a job flying the 757/767 internationally for a company. I was pregnant with our first child and attained a job at an airport in Wichita, Kansas. These positions directed our future decisions. Without each of these jobs, we wouldn’t be where we are today.

While I loved being in the airport environment, my job was a ground position at the Wichita Airport Authority and I missed flying. I found and accepted a position as a Production Test Pilot for a local aircraft manufacturer. It was a pilot mom-job where I could fly every day and be home every night. I loved it! I was only in the position six or seven months when I was furloughed and eventually laid off because they stopped producing the aircraft I flew. At that point, I began my career as a stay-at-home mom. Every time I shifted from one position to the next, I found myself establishing a new normal. I was supposed to be flying planes and I wasn’t doing that; I was flying my house. I never stopped loving flying. I found ways to love each new phase of life I found myself in.

As the Director of Operations of my home, I established a laundry day, grocery runs, and coffee dates. I created a schedule that worked for my family unit. I loved nap time, which I participated in sometimes and other times, it was a chance to catch up on things around the house. I started to appreciate being home. My life went from a fast-paced rhythm of a working-mom schedule to an at-home, fluid lifestyle. I found that as my life changed, so did my desires for my career and life aspirations. I found myself navigating, not in an airplane, but the newness of motherhood with one, then two, then three children ages four and under, while my husband shifted from one job to another to fit the ever-changing dynamic of our household.

As the kids grew, I shifted from being a full-time stay at home mom to part time CFI at a local airfield. I loved to teach people to fly and I still do. I continued pursuing my personal dreams of flight and attained my Airline Transport Pilot (ATP) rating while my kids were one, three, and five years old. I wasn’t sure where my life was going, but I was sure I needed to have options for the future. As opportunities presented themselves, my husband longed to chase his dream of being an Airline Pilot and our family shifted to support that dream.

I wanted to be mom, involved in my kids’ lives and I wanted to be home with them. Being a pilot often meant being gone for extended periods of time, depending on the job. I loved being in the aviation industry and knew there were countless opportunities to pursue many avenues and career paths. I also knew that I did not want to miss my kids, who were rapidly growing. I wanted to be with my kids and I would figure out my path in aviation later. We made our household budget on a one-income salary and made the numbers work for our chosen lifestyle.

As our dreams shifted, so did our life. We moved from Kansas to Virginia, shifting from a reliable salary to roughly half the income in a more expensive housing market. We planned for this change and adjusted our financials to make the plan a reality. I had countless calls from friends asking what we were doing and if we were ok. I am grateful for the concern, love, and support from our friends who know we make decisions cautiously. On paper, the numbers worked, but it looked like we were going backwards in our careers. We took a calculated risk (and later, it paid off!)

During this time, someone said to me, “You’re so lucky to be home.” Maybe I was; maybe I wasn’t. I chose it. I wasn’t home because we could afford it as a luxury for me. I chose to be home, giving up countless opportunities I could pursue. I had the opportunity to be flying myself making a decent income which would have afforded us many different opportunities and luxuries, but my partner and I chose this path together. We knew the financial burdens and sacrifices on every side of our personal life and financial equation.

Being a stay-at-home mom was not for the faint of heart. As a pilot wife, it meant I was solo-parenting most of the time. If I was lucky, we got my hubby home for 48 hours, which was just long enough to do laundry, spend a little time together as a family, and repack his cooler with food for the road. (For those not familiar with the regional airline lifestyle or pay: we barely made enough to pay for rent and food, so eating “out” while my hubby was at work was not a regular thing for him due to limited finances. He took a cooler with food he could eat during the week to help us stay on budget financially. As he worked toward a different position and his pay increased, eating a meal out became a luxury we appreciated.)

In Virginia, we rented for two years, pulling money from savings to make up the difference in monthly income until year two pay kicked in, where we could put money back into savings. At a regional airline (at that time especially), year two pay was nothing substantial, but it was better than year one pay, which was not enough to pay the rent and afford basic food. We lived off savings to bridge the financial gap to get us through the first year of decrease in pay. We took a calculated risk to set us on trajectory for where my husband’s ultimate dream job was at his airline of choice.

In every step of the journey, we made decisions together, knowing there was risk involved, and making sure we were both able and willing to be on board with the decision and risk. None of these decisions were easy. They weighed on me personally, mentally, physically, and emotionally. The decisions weighed on our marriage and we had to rebuild our support network. Over time, each thing that weighed on us personally and as a couple was rebuilt. It didn’t happen overnight, it was a marathon of rebuilding one thing at a time.

I think about this quote often with my life. I never set out to be a stay-at-home mom and never thought I would homeschool my kids, let alone be a nomad for three years. Yet here I am, having done all of those things.

Maybe “the was that wasn’t” is exactly what was supposed to happen.

In my journey, I have found a passion general aviation, mentorship, and education beyond teaching people to fly. Our change of course allowed me to explore writing and pursue becoming a published author of my children’s book, Yucky Weather.

See my book available HERE on my website: paperback (hardcover coming soon)
All books ordered off my website are autographed.
(Amazon hardcover/paperback sent directly to you, not autographed)

I fell in love with supporting my kid’s education, as well as cultivating them into who they are becoming. One thing about being a pilot, especially an instructor, is that we know our students are meant to solo and gain their own wings. We know the path, the milestones, and the journey it takes to help a student become a licensed pilot. Motherhood, parenthood, being a partner in an aviation family does not have the same path, yet we are paralleling others in our journey.

If you find yourself on a different path than you thought you were planning to be on, welcome to the road of life and detours that lead to unbelievable destinations.

Where you are may not be where you thought you would be going. Remember to let the “was that wasn’t” moments be the ones that help you cultivate where to go. Let your inner knowing lead you; it will.

To all the aviation, military, or families with a similar story:

May your path be unexpectedly wonderful.
May you find joy in your journey.
May you be enlightened as you go.
May your inner light shine bright in your journey of discovery.
May you continue to grow in every detour.
May you find your most inner knowing and blossom into who you are growing to be.

If this post was helpful or may be to someone you know, please share it.
Signing off,

BG Barnstormer
AKA Auntie Birdie